Life is moving

Life is moving and I feel so low spiritually. I know he's taking care of me...but I feel so far off so self-serving. I messed up and did stuff I knew I shouldn't, stuff I left behind. And I've confessed it, but I still feel weak and sad about it. God please forgive me. Please forgive me. I want to be closer to you more than I can say. This quest to date has got me focused on it. THat's not what I want. I want to have some fun interesting, growing experiences, led by you. That's what I really want. God please send me a godly man that loves you. I will not be afraid to not ask. Not asking is hiding the truth from yourself and God. He commands us to ask, like little children for what we want. I want companionship, and dang, sex, who doesn't.

Spiritual Update

So I found a new small group and I'm excited to be with these women because they are committed. We're all in different places for sure but we share the same level of desire. Okay so I found a new book called How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Henry Cloud, and while it's a dating book, it's christian and it deals more with how to open yourself up to taking risks, talking to new people, and really analyzing what is going on inside yourself in relation to your interactions with the opposite sex. And even thinking about it for me lets me know that I'm scared and I've always been scared. How did I meet my last boyfriend? Well a friend offered to introduce us. We met in a group situation. I wasn't impressed with him at all, I thought he was stuck up and self-obsessed. When we went out on another group date with another guy who I was supposed to meet, but he and I ended up connecting. All in all I had a great time with both guys but the truth of it was that I was open going into the situation. I was open to share myself and learn more about each of the guys. And he was so crazy to get to know me more and I him. So again, I had to put myself out there and just happen to visit my friend at work because they worked together. And it was hard, I had to wait awhile and I had almost left but I stayed. And then I found out just how eager he was to get to know me. He got my number from me, although he could've gotten it from my friend. And the rest was history, we dated for six months. And although I'm sad that it didn't work out, I got to know more about myself and what I need in a relationship. I'm pretty sure he did too. So now I have the assignment to go out and meet five new guys a week. I'm petrified, absolutely scared and I need to find someone to be accountable too. Eeek where to start.