To add...

When I think about it, it would be fun at first, but then it would be simply annoying, the distance, the lack of money, the immaturity, the pressure for sex, and the want to be free. Nope I really really really don't need any of that. So I ask for protection. Please God, he really has no idea of what his actions have done to me emotionally. It's like giving pudding to a fat kid, or heroin to an addict. I don't think he's bad, just lost. I ask you to keep me safe and allow this to be a wake up call for what I really want. Help me to see things as they really are, open my eyes, help me to be thankful and mindful of what I have. Help me to know that you are the only one that can fill that addict's void. And that I am one step closer to you. Be with me this week Lord. Fill me with your love when I don't have much left of my own. Let me know how I can serve you the best. Take away my fear. Help me to be brave.

New Post Finally

Well I almost never write here unless I have feelings about God or men that I somehow need to get out. I ended up cuddling with a friend of a friend this weekend. It started as an innocent, sure you can crash here after a long night of celebration for the mutual friend. An offer of a massage with too long of a pause and a lack of saying no, and a hop in the bed. Nothing happened! Thank God!! But my heart still hurts because I don't want to be acting like that. My heart hurts because I bonded with a male that there is no future with, no real possibility of dating, not really 100% a christian, and wow, just way too young. A hurt heart because there was no message from him saying that he enjoyed spending time with me. Wow, we really have to protect our hearts don't we? God says protect your heart because it is the wellspring of life. Why do we take so long to understand this? I did not mean to allow the cuddling, I honestly thought I was helping a friend have a place to crash, or did I? I am not innocent, I was enjoying the talking, the emotional intimacy and I didn't want that to end. Again, I'm glad he's not a total asshole and did not press for more than i wanted to give. Honestly, he's never given me a second look and he's met me several times. I think that hurts that he never had real intentions of getting to know me. The one good thing I did was refuse to talk about my sexual past. Go me! There needs to be a safe relationship of support for that kind of talk. He did say some nice things, and you know I don't think he's all bad. He's a neat person, just at the beginning of his path with God. Hopefully this energetic young man will grow up and learn to love God with all his heart, and not half of it. Hopefully, he will learn how to protect and cherish a woman's heart. One can hope.